Everscream Times day 27 by Omar Najam

ALT TEXT: Everscream Times

Headline: local developer set to build new neighborhood on top of old cemetery!

Sub header: construction getting a head start on some headstones

Out with the old and in with the new! As long as the new are gorgeous two story houses full of today’s state-of-the-art appliances. And the old is a bunch of useless, boring old stale bodies!

At least that’s the idea behind the Cuesta Verde neighborhood development. 

“It’s gonna be a fine place to live. A fiiiine place to live,” says community planner Lewis Teague. “That cemetery, why it was just taking up space. Those folks weren’t ain’t doing nothing. See now we can have families live here. Working families. Decent folks who are alive and pay mortages!” 

But Marianne Slawson, medium and children’s party face painter, thinks the development is a bad idea. 

“You never want to build on a cemetery. You’re going to get all kinds of problems. Flying furniture, moving trees, clown dolls coming to life. Plus, the soil is terrible for vegetable gardens.” 

Teague thinks that these complaints are just nosy neighbors. 

“Are you gonna get a few nights when the tv turns on by itself? Suuuure. Are you gonna see your face fall off in a mirror? Maybe. A couple of portals to alternate dimensions? I say you might. But at our prices, I’d count those as perks.” 

Open houses will be available to check out starting next week!